Ah Hah Moments.........

My new path

2006-07-31T21:47:00.000-05:00

I walked the quiet, neutral corridor

and I responded to smiles with a smile

I entered without a care in the world

I left with the weight of the world on my shoulders......

Mammogram.....as rude as the tech

after she heard the results

her eyes never met mine again

I knew by the fast appearance

of sympathy that replaced her

I hate my job face.........

Ultra sound.... as gentle as the tech

she saw passed the patient

and remembered the person

she slipped quietly from the room

returning with the Radiologist

With his brown eyes looking into my baby blues

he used words like non-suspicious,borderline and suspicious

he added "way beyond" to my "suspicious"

I now not only have two breasts

I have two tumors

two tumors that were not there

just a few months ago...

now they are taking up residence

without a lease....squatters I will call them

Now suddenly there wasn't enough

space in that ultra sound room

Cancer had joined us and had sucked

up all the oxygen for a moment

I wanted Jim more than the oxygen anyway.....

I have cycled through all the emotions already

I see-saw between numb and really pissed off

It's a good thing I'm a warrior

and I can draw from my own strength

I will not walk quietly, I will carry a big stick.

I will not go quietly.

2006-03-13T07:06:00.000-06:00

It is the waters edge
that calls to me by my name
it knows of my hopes
my wishes.....my dreams

It is where my mind is quiet
enough to hear my own thoughts
it is where not only the sunlight
but I too can reflect

I find my solace there
and my spirit is free
to dance upon the current
at the sounds of the water

It is where I remember
to listen to my heart
and where I can rediscover
all that is dear to me.

kmh 2005

photo provided by the

Write Words Writing Club

I recently joined this group

of word smiths

to learn more about it simply

click on the link provided

Knowledge

2006-02-26T14:06:00.000-06:00

As a small child you are in awe of the world around you, you dream of far away places and put that on your endless list of things you are going to do when you grow up. Then one day you realized that you have grown up and it is too late to do all those things you dreamed about doing. You realize that even though the world is still a huge place, we are but a speck in the universe when it comes the galaxies far above.

You still dream of visiting those places near and far away but now it has been put on hold for your children and then you say, " I will surely do it after my children are grown!" then your children's children appear and you can't bare watching them grow through photographs, you want to be there every moment of their young lives. So your list of places to visit shrinks that much smaller and sometimes you take notice of that and you just think to yourself.....Oh well! I can still do some of it later, perhaps when I retire.

Your senior years are spent laughing and crying along with your own grown children as they tell you every frustrating, but oh so wonderful tales of their own children's strides in life, and hopefully you have seen just a few of the places you always dreamed of visiting when you were the small child. You no longer believe in the North Pole or Never Never Land but relive some of your old dreams through the dreams of your grandchildren.

Then hopefully if you were truly blessed at the end of your life, you realized the best place to have ever visited was in the heart of someone else.

2006-02-08T06:53:00.000-06:00

Many walk through life never discovering it's meaning. And for those who have, it can mean many things......My life's meaning is to live a good life, but not in the tense that phrase is usually associated with, I mean to live my life in a positive way. I count my blessings and never tally my short comings, I know that people and situtations are brought to my life for a reason......Just as I am brought to theirs.

When you realize how many people come and go from you through out your whole life, you appreciate the ones that stay, especially the ones that stay a life time. Most are family but if your lucky, you have friends that have witnessed your life at many stages. I have old, well loved and treasured friends who have witnessed my childhood, my puberty, my coming of age, the sharing of my life with a man of honor and the birth of my children. They have witnessed my children's lives....two who are now at the coming of age and two who are still holding on to their childhood with both hands but running full throttle into the great unknown. I have had many friends walked beside me, some walk ahead of me and some follow close behind and I know that I am blessed to have had this journey through life .........With good companions.

Today is a good day to tell the ones you love.......How much they mean to you!

"Days Gone By"

2006-02-06T15:35:00.000-06:00

kmh 2006

2006-02-03T10:21:00.000-06:00

As I fast approach yet another new year in my life, I always tend to spend the time before it looking back. I spend a lot of time with the phrase "What if?" I think in the end....My death, I will look back and say I am satisfied with who I am and how I lived my life. I know every bump in the road, every tear on my cheek, and every caution thrown to the wind has made me who I am today.

I meet a lot of people that have something in their past that connects us instantaneously to each other. Sometimes we even verbalize it and sometimes our eyes or a quick nod of the head alerts us to one another. In contrast I sometimes meet people who are so completely different from me that I struggle to find a human connection. I don't mesh well with closed minded individuals, I don't mesh well with the bullies of the world either. And I am vocal in my reasons why. We do not have to accept other peoples lifestyles as our own, we only have to accept our differences and simply live and let live as long as it is something that causes no one else harm.

People argue about so many different things, always thinking that their way is the right way. And if you don't agree with them and their views, then you are in the wrong. We fight about religion, about politics, about simple basic human needs. Don't people realize that if we want to be accepted as who we are then we have to accept others as who they are? It really is that simple. Sometimes when people are fighting, they forget what they are fighting for......they just want to prove their right.

There is that old song, "What the world needs now, is love sweet love" But what I think the world really needs now is compassion for those who are like us and for those who are not. If you want the freedoms to believe in your God, your religion or your political views, then grant that privilege to those around you.

2006-02-02T05:17:00.000-06:00

I had a wonderful excursion out yesterday afternoon with camera in hand. Last summer I discovered a beautiful bronze statue in a neighbors yard and took several shots of it from different angles. I was so impressed with the elegance that I vowed sometime soon to go on a statue hunt through out my city.

My method of choice when shooting is to shoot in close up to extreme close up. When you shoot in this style almost everything you shoot becomes artwork with an almost abstract feel about it.

There are a few ways that I express myself, sometimes it is through written word, other times it is expressed through the lyrics and music of another person and then through the lens of my camera. To understand my photography is to understand me. My lens helps me to express how I'm feeling at any given moment.......... I often wonder if other people pick up on that.

This blog seems to reflect more of my quiet moments caught in photography, I find I post more pictures and use less words here. It must be what I needed to do.

Puppy Love

2006-02-01T10:08:00.000-06:00

My "Boo"

Tall Pines 2006

2006-01-31T12:45:00.001-06:00

Nothing calms my mind like a drive through the North Woods. My favorite thing to view are the forests of the tall pines. There they have stood for decades looking perfectly aligned, side by side. I love how the suns plays hide and seek along the forest floor, I purposely loose myself somewhere between the sun and shadows.

It's the woods and the waters that call my name, I find my peace there, my mind goes quiet as I become one with Mother Nature. Maybe I'm not such a city girl after all.

Summer Revisited (2005)

2006-01-27T05:56:00.000-06:00

I had the pleasure of watching this baby break from it's shell, call to it's Mother for food and take flight for it's first time. I learned that there isn't much difference between Mother's of all kinds. We give life, we give love, we give guidance and we learn to let them go and we pray they soar higher than we ever did.

2006-01-23T11:01:00.000-06:00

I was born an innocent, we all were. My childhood was of another matter. Enduring what I had to endure, I added layer upon layer of brick and mortar which I had to apply to save the little girl lost in me. I managed to keep her safe even though there were plenty of times I thought I lost her for sure. My saving grace came from my Mother's love for me. She is was made a difference in my outcome as an adult. Because of her I did not succumb to the dark side even though I had plenty of bruising inside and out, to send and keep me there.

After therapy I learned how to peel back the many layers of me. Each layer had a purpose of being there, a reason for it's existence. But in order to become who I am today, I had to shed those layers no matter how painful the process was....... Because under all those layers I was able to find my inner self, my inner beauty.

I did not want my childhood to define who I was even though it had a part of who I am today. I see to many people letting their past hold them back and even hold them under, when the power to set themselves free was in their own hands.

Every once in awhile I will have that fleeting moment when something happens and it takes me back to my childhood, but it no longer silences me. I speak up, I defend my existence and I let it be known that no one has the power to make me feel less than I am. When your a child you have no choice and you have no voice but as an adult, people do to you what you allow them to do to you, it is up to you to find your self worth and let it be known to others.

"Winter Morning"

2006-01-21T12:20:00.000-06:00

2006-01-19T16:15:00.000-06:00

My life force seems so much brighter when there is sunshine in my day, especially after long periods of winter gray. I think sunrises and sunsets are there to remind us to find the beauty in every day. I like the quiet of early morning........My mind is quiet, my house is sleeping soundly, the streets are quiet. It's a great time to center myself for the day. I like to frame many of my photo's with the trees that surround my focal point. Trees always seem to attract my attention the most....It is how I gage the passing of the years. The bare tree of winter, the promise that accompanies the budding leaves of spring, the way a fully leafed tree plays with sunlight and then the splendid colors of fall foliage.

Old White Barn of Winter

2006-01-03T15:00:00.000-06:00

Old White Barn of Winter

kmh 2005

I have returned from my computer imposed hiatus and I am having trouble editing what has been going on in my life since then! lol So much to say so little time and it is leaving me wondering if I even have the energy to rehash any of it! lol I did manage to get out with my camera but I am sad to say this picture above was the best of show. I am not fond of winter, it keeps me indoors and gives me little incentive to get out and shoot.

So many of the old family farms are selling off to the builders around here and I have to scramble to save a few in photo so they don't erase themselves from my memory....... "Progress" is bittersweet at best. I don't think the old barn shown above is even in use now, it looks as if it could cave in at anytime, but I am sure it was glorious in it's youth. I am drawn to old barns, old trees and the waters edge....I find solace in them, they best describe me when I am content with being me.

I am still trying to figure out if 2005 was a good year or not for me.....So many firsts happened that year, 2 of my daughters moved out on their own, one became engaged, one is still reeling from the news her current beau (of 10 months) has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.....So much for a young girl of 19 to have to deal with, her naiveness of the disorder makes her think she is stronger than it, she does not know the battle is all uphill and life long, but at 19 and out on her own, she is making her own decisions even after consulting with me first...... I see heartbreak in her future and that hangs heavy in my own heart..... Heartbreak for the both of them.

This little piggy

2005-11-18T15:07:00.000-06:00

These are probably going to be the last two gifts made from the hands of my last two babies.......in a way it brings a smile to my face because they are growing up and learning who they are supposed to be and then it saddens me just a little because the time that they need me, gets shorter and shorter with each passing day.

I spent yesterday afternoon at my oldest daughters home going over her upcoming July wedding, I bought tiny little silver frames which we are going to place a small black and white photo of her and her fiance's along with their wedding date as a wedding favor to her guests.

It seems like yesterday I was laughing at her attempts at learning to tie her own shoes and now here she is going to be 23 on Sunday and to be married this summer. With each passing year their hand made gifts are more and more precious to me and priceless in their worth.

Seeing each one of them succeed in each of their own special gifts brings such a feeling of joy to me..... My youngest child with his artistic nature, my youngest daughter who has the voice of an angel, my middle daughter with her gift of bringing laughter to other peoples life and my oldest with her quiet unassuming beauty.

These are the moments in life that remind me that I am a very blessed woman and I am thankful and at least for a very short time...........all is well with the world.

2005-11-17T18:11:00.000-06:00

This photo was taken by a marsh near my home only last week, and when I was over there today, it already had a top layer of ice. I am still cold with the thought that winter is coming, we already had flurries yesterday and I awoke to just a light covering on the still green grass.

I dread the cold and gray of winter, it dulls my inner light as I start looking forward the green days of spring and the sun shining warm on my face. I am beginning the cocoon phase of my life again.

I used to like winter, I used to enjoy snow. I still try to get out at least once a week in the winter to mingle among the snow worshipers, plus last year's days spent ice fishing with family and friends kept warm and toasty with hot chocolate with a light lacing of peppermint schnapps! I'ts also kinda cool to have a bonfire right on the frozen lake! lol I'll try and remember to get at least a few shots of the parties held on the ice.

Even though the summer season is over at the lake, we still get together to ice skate, ice fish and then poker nights at the club house! It's always a slow withdrawal from our family and friends at the lake.

Mass Exodus from AOL JOURNALS

2005-11-17T08:22:00.000-06:00

Ahhh..... the move to my journals new home is complete! I'm not sure if I am going to move any of my old posts from my AOL journal over here or not yet, I might just start fresh.

It took me a few days to work myself into this format, but I seem to be getting the hang of it ok, I still have to figure out how to post pictures and link the friends from my old journal in my "Other Journal" feature. I am hoping that this place has that option somewhere around here. I really liked the way those on my list thought and I enjoyed their journals very much!

Well, since I still have plenty of things to learn around here, I am off to eplore and click on new links! lol

Kimberleigh